The following is an excerpt from The President’s Devotional, written by Josh DuBois, who served as director of faith outreach for the Obama White House from 2008 through 2012.
It started on the campaign trail in 2008. We were in the back of a black SUV, heading to the Saddleback Civil Forum in Orange County, California. After quizzing me on the Ten Commandments (and poking fun at my friend and his body man, Reggie Love, for not knowing all of Moses’s instructions by heart), then-Senator Obama looked at me with a wry smile and said: “You know, you really should get married.”
“I’m working on in, Senator, I really am. Things are going pretty well with my girlfriend . . .”
“Well, you should get married. Time for you to settle down.”
It was the first of several inquisitions. There was the time we gathered in the Oval Office with a dozen faith leaders to launch the Faith-Based Advisory Council, when President Obama interrupted the proceedings to ask, “You engaged yet?”
There was Father’s Day 2010, when we visited a local nonprofit, and backstage before his remarks, the president introduced me to a group of fathers and kids by saying, “And this is Joshua, my faith-based director. He’s a great guy, but he’s not a dad yet himself—he’ll get there, if we could only get him married.”
And there was the afternoon before a picnic on the White House lawn. We had invited teenage boys from local high schools to the White House, along with some famous adult mentors. I was sitting in a foyer called the Diplomatic Reception Room when President Obama walked in. Before I could begin briefing him on the event, he interrupted me. “Really, what’s the holdup? Why haven’t you popped the question?”
Surprised but grateful for the opportunity to have a longer conversation on the subject, I started in with a range of excuses. “Sir, I’m saving more money for a ring, and a wedding. . . . I’m waiting for the job to slow down a bit so that we have more time to spend together. . . . I’m—”
And the president interrupted me again. “Listen, Joshua. Do you love her? Do you think she’ll be a great wife?”
“Well, yes. Yes sir, I do.”
“Then you can’t let that other stuff stop you. Marriage is the best decision you can make; it sounds trite, but it really does complete a person, rounds you out. If you’ve made up your mind that you want her to be your wife and the mother of your children, then that’s all you need to know. You really should think about popping the question—you need to get married.”
Marriage ran deep for President Obama. In fact, I came to know it as the mooring force for his life. Growing up with his grandparents and seeing their relationship firsthand, the future president embraced their marriage as an island of stability in an often-tumultuous childhood.
And when this globe-trotting, big-thinking, ambitious young man met Michelle Robinson in Chicago in the summer of 1989, his itinerant legs grew roots, and grew strong. At the end of full days then and now, navigating the world and its challenges, Michelle had a way of reminding Barack of what was most important. In photos and joint interviews that shed light on their private moments, we see the president leaning on his wife, both physically and in spirit. She is his place for replenishment, for grounding, for rest, and for joy.
I remember being on the first lady’s airplane—sometimes (incorrectly) referred to as Air Force Two—heading to Nashville, Tennessee, where she was giving a speech to a large church gathering. It was the day that the United States Supreme Court was to rule on the constitutionality of the Affordable Care Act, the landmark health care bill better known as Obamacare. We were mid-flight when the telephone rang with a call for the first lady (somehow the U.S. Air Force is able to keep consistent phone service, even at 20,000 feet). The caller said that the Court had ruled in favor of the government; Obamacare was upheld. And who was ringing the first lady to share the news and celebrate? It was the president on the line, calling to rejoice with his wife.
I realized after our conversation in the foyer and after witnessing moments like the one on the first lady’s plane that when it came to marriage, President Obama wasn’t just chiding me for sport. Instead, he wanted me to have what he had, something so hard to find in the world of politics—a love that doesn’t fade based on circumstance, an anchor for my days.
And I wanted that too. So I got to work. I heard clearly from God that Michelle (my then-girlfriend) was the one; I loved her, she was my best friend, she was brilliant, she helped me worship, and critically, she made me laugh. So I put a plan together to make the weekend of May 5, 2012, her thirtieth birthday weekend, a memorable one.
Michelle loved Yorkshire Terriers, those little, energetic (some would say maniacal) dogs. She had owned two Yorkies over the course of her life, but they had both passed away, God bless their souls. I had convinced Michelle that at that point in her life as a busy working woman living in a small D.C. apartment, it didn’t make sense to get another puppy.
On May 5, we went for a stroll through Lafayette Square, a lovely oasis of statues, trees, and winding paths right across the street from the White House. A young couple was walking toward us, and as they came into view we could see that they were leading an adorable Yorkshire puppy, tripping over himself on a short leash.
Michelle knelt down to pet the dog—as I knew she would—and gushed over him. “It’s beautiful!” she said to the couple, whom she did not recognize. “Where’d you get him? How old is he?”
The man walking the puppy replied, “Well actually, it’s yours.”
She looked up at him and then me, absolutely confused. “What? My dog?”
I chimed in, “Hun, I got you a dog for your birthday—it’s your dog.”
Shrieks ensued. After the young couple walked away and she had a few moments to pet him, I asked, “What’s that around the dog’s collar?”
Michelle ignored me at first, so I asked again. “Babe, is there something around his collar?”
She turned the dog’s collar around . . . and there was the engagement ring.
Michelle’s eyes watered, and I bent down on one knee, and told her what she meant to me, and how honored I would be if she would agree to be my wife. And she said, “Yes.”
It was an amazing weekend; we celebrated that evening and on Sunday with family and friends. On Monday, I had to travel to New York for a previously scheduled speech, and on the way there, I received a call from a blocked number on my cell phone.
“Mr. DuBois, the president is on the line for you. Do you have time to speak?”
There’s only one answer to that question—“Yes, of course.”
President Obama joined the line and got right to it. “So you did it! I’m proud of you. That’s the best decision you will ever make. And I have to say—it’s about time.”
I agreed with him on both points. It has proven to be the best decision I ever made. And yes, it was about time.
Excerpted from THE PRESIDENT’S DEVOTIONAL: The Daily Readings That Inspired President Obama, by Joshua DuBois by arrangement with HarperOne, an imprint of HarperCollins. Copyright © Joshua DuBois 2013