At this point, Donald Trump’s White House has the turnover rate of a White Castle.
Rex Tillerson, the now-former Secretary of State, is the latest contestant for that Summer Jam screen, following a whole clown parade of perpetual reality TV stars, unqualified asshats who clearly never read The 48 Laws of Power and one communications director who had a whole hell of a lot of potential but didn’t even last long enough to get a full check (Scaramucci, we hardly knew ye).
It’s basically a bunch of goons who were likely publicly opposed to public aid, but who are now keying in that bi-monthly code to collect those unemployment checks.
… WE DIDN’T START THE FIRE! IT WAS ALWAYS BURNING SINCE THE WORLD WAS TURNING!
— Ziwe (@ziwe) March 13, 2018
Working While Black
As of press time, we don’t know exactly why Tillerson was fired, and a spokesperson said Tillerson didn’t speak to Trump directly and fully intend to stay in his job. Which is something you’ve probably heard if you’re Black and an able-bodied working person.
Honestly, how many of you showed up to work for business as usual, only to get dragged aside before you can punch in and get shown the door? It happened to me for the first time when I was 17 and working at a grocery store produce department.
The department head said he canned me (after three weeks!) because I was “unfocused,” when the department head’s son would spend every one of my shifts talking my ear off instead of actually working. It was my first – and certainly not last – taste of WWB (Working While Black).
Fired Via Twitter? Bruh
But at least dude gave me the courtesy of pulling me aside to talk to me himself; Tillerson allegedly found out he was fired at the same time as 49 million Twitter followers when your white husband’s mama’s favorite president fired off a tweet early Monday morning:
Mike Pompeo, Director of the CIA, will become our new Secretary of State. He will do a fantastic job! Thank you to Rex Tillerson for his service! Gina Haspel will become the new Director of the CIA, and the first woman so chosen. Congratulations to all!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 13, 2018
Trump pulled some sucker shit that every book on managing people advises against in chapter one, page one, paragraph one. Using Twitter to let an employee know that they no longer have a job is the professional equivalent of Berger breaking up with Carrie via a Post-It note in season 6 of Sex and the City.
Old bastards like Tillerson, 65, aren’t as likely as young people to fire up Twitter during their morning constitution, so I’ll bet he got the bad news at some point between ironing his tighty whities and trying to figure out if he could get his daily Starbucks soy butterscotch latte while on his official visit to Nigeria.
White Privilege is a Helluva Drug
Trump is like your average white woman in upper management: She smiles at you with her top and bottom rows and delivers one of those nasally “good morninggggg” greetings when you walk in the office, knowing full well that your sorry Black ass will have your badge and email access revoked before lunch. Next thing you know, her door is conveniently closed as you’re being hustled out the door by security with a cardboard box full of your belongings.
As is often the case with shifty white bosses, the truth behind your firing isn’t always clear at first, but always comes to light at some point: I’m sure it’s no coincidence that Tillerson lost his gig within 24 hours of publicly stating that he believed Russia was behind the poisoning of a former spy in the United Kingdom. Since we know that Russia’s president Vladimir Putin has his hand firmly ensconced in Trump’s ass, Kermit the Frog style, Tillerson’s termination should surprise no one.
It’s easy to assume that Tillerson is just like the rest of us and caught a bad break from a shitty boss. Until you remember that Tillerson allegedly called Trump a f—ing moron months ago and kept his gig, happened to be really shitty at his job for the 17 seconds he had it, and as former CEO of Exxon, is hopelessly rich and doesn’t need a damn job. Talk about the beauty of white privilege.
On second thought, to hell with Trump and Tillerson.
Dustin J. Seibert is a native Detroiter living in Chicago. Miraculously, people have paid him to be aggressively light-skinned via a computer keyboard for nearly two decades. He loves his own mama slightly more than he loves music and exercises every day only so his French fry intake doesn’t catch up to him. Find him at his own site, wafflecolored.com.