Back from Africa: 8 lessons we hope Melania Trump learned now that she’s returned from her first solo trip abroad

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First Lady Melania Trump (nearly two years later, that still sounds weird) is probably a little jet-lagged today. She just returned from her first solo international humanitarian trip last week touching down in Ghana, Malawi, Kenya, and Egypt with a full schedule of events.

Even though she’s “guilty by association” (she knew who she was marrying), we couldn’t help but feel relief that she was able to get out the country for a few days on her own, even wondering if she’d ever come back.

Remember the #FreeMelania campaign?

After all, stepping onto the soil of the Motherland has a way of clearing the cobwebs from one’s mind and adding clarity to convoluted situations. In the end, we just want to see Melania make better life choices.

We know being first lady isn’t an easy job. It takes a lot of energy to smile uncontrollably as you hug chubby Black babies, observe Black children learning English when you”re still struggling with it yourself, and meet with other First Ladies who have been doing the job much longer than you.

Then there’s the energy needed to bestow a contemplative look as you try to understand the history and implications that are the result of decades of slave trade from the Gold Coast of Africa. Not to mention, making sure you represent the right designers at the right times, while still maintaining a conveniently chic look befitting of any woman whose last name is Trump.

Going to Africa can be a life changing experience for anyone, even the Slovenia born First Lady. While she said she had an “amazing” time away, we’re hoping that this trip had a lasting impact that will stay with her for years to come, thus empowering Ms. Trump to take the words of Auntie Maxine Waters to heart and reclaim her time.

Here are 8 lessons we hope the First Lady will take to heart from her first trip abroad.

First stop, Kenya

Arriving at Kotoka International Airport in Accra, Ghana, Ms. Trump is welcomed by Rebecca Akufo-Addo, the First Lady of the Republic of Ghana. However, by the looks of the military official standing behind Ms. Akufo-Addo, we’re hoping the First Lady understands how to interpret a Black woman’s eye language. Until we get to know the real Melania, you’ll have to deal with our swinty side eyes of distrust.

Lesson: You’re going to get the side eye, until we know your real agenda. 

Mind your manners 

We may not like you and we may not trust you, but we will never let our children show those qualities. As Ms. Trump arrives at the Emintsimadze Palace in Cape Coast, Ghana, a little girl is forced…we mean asked…to greet her and gift her with a bouquet of local flowers prior to participating in a cultural ceremony.

Say hi to the nice white lady, baby.

Lesson: We will always teach our children to be polite, even when we don’t want to be.

A Lasting Impression

We’re not sure how much of the slave trade history Ms. Trump knew prior to her arrival in Ghana, but she sure got a lesson that day. Having stood inside the male dungeon at the Cape Coast Castle, we hope she has a better understanding of what it was like for Black men who were shoved in the dark, dank stone prison and tortured on a daily basis. We hope she understands what it was like as they lay amongst the dead and diseased waiting to be shipped across the Atlantic to America and the Caribbean. We hope she understands why this is now hallowed ground, forever preserving the lives that were lost.

And, then we hope she creates a picture book so her husband can understand it too.

Lesson: Take all that you’ve learned, and educate your husband about the true origin of Black people in America.

I can’t get dirty

We know she hates being compared to our forever First Lady Michelle Obama, but can’t you just see Michelle surrounded by giggling kids, squealing with joy as they run around, kicking the ball together? For some reason, as Ms. Trump watches children play soccer at the Chipala Primary School in Lilongwe, Malawi, we just can’t see her doing any physical activity that would involve getting her hands or feet dirty. She likely leaves that for task for someone on her staff.

Lesson: You can be down-to-Earth and still hold your First Lady title at the same time. Get inspired by (not steal from) your predecessor. 

Even the animals know

There are few memorable moments from the First Lady’s trip to Africa, but none tickled us more than when she visited baby elephants at the David Sheldrick Wildlife Trust Elephant Orphanage in Nairobi, Kenya. After feeding one of them by hand, the little guy suddenly bumped the First Lady nearly knocking her to her feet.

Could it be a not so subtle message to her and her husband?

Lesson: When in Africa, when around baby elephants, whenever…always stay ready for people (and animals) to show you how they truly feel about you and your man.

What in the colonizing hell are you wearing?

We know Africa is hot and hats are recommended to keep faces wrinkle-free from the unforgiving forces of the sun, but why in the world would you chose to wear a white pith helmet during a safari tour at the Nairobi National Park? Did no one tell you how this triggers any colonized community back to those times when whites still commanded this land and these people as their objects to own?

Remember the “I really don’t care. Do U?” jacket she wore on the way to visit families separated at the southern border? Once again, Ms. Trump missed the mark with her fashion choices leaving us dumbfounded by her lack of historical reference and empathy.

Lesson: The people who work for you don’t like you. You’d “be best” to find those who do. 

Poor baby 

This little girl looks exactly how we feel. Why are you here? What do you want? And how much is it going to cost us? After the shenanigans of her husband’s first (and perhaps only) term in office and the history of being bamboozled by seemingly well-meaning whites, we have to wonder what is really going through the First Lady’s mind visiting children at The Nest: Children’s Home in Kenya.

Imagine if she decided to adopt one of these babies. What do you think the Donald would say?

Lesson: Please don’t adopt this child or any other child to call your husband, Daddy. He’s already screwed that up four times before…wait, five times. Just like you, we always forget about Tiffany. 

Melania are you ok? Are you ok, Melania?

While standing in front of the mighty Sphinx, First Lady Melania Trump made it clear exactly what she thinks of her husband these days, telling reporters, “I don’t always agree what he tweets and I tell him that. I give him my honest opinion and honest advice. Sometimes he listens and sometimes he doesn’t. But I have my own voice and my opinions and it’s very important for me that I express what I feel.”

Now, suddenly she wants to be taken more seriously in her role, telling the press, “I wish people would focus on what I do, not what I wear.”

Lesson: If you want people to stop focusing on what you wear, stop wearing Michael Jackson “Smooth Criminal” inspired outfits in the dessert. It makes no sense unless you have magnets in your shoes.