Most teenage boys (86.6%) intend to have a child and 62 percent of all males ages 15 and older are in fact dads. Post Fathers Day, Kevin “Boss” Ross reveals his thoughts about being among them. Which leads to a discussion about the relationship he had with his own father in Part 1, and the one with his stepfather in Part 2. It’s a conversation more men need to have with themselves, and each other.
FULL TRANSCRIPTION BELOW:
You are now listening to TheGrios black podcast network, black culture amplified. Hi, I’m Kevin Ross. And this is The Podcast. Dads, Fathers And Men Who Step Up Part one.
For me, 2023 marks being a dad for 25 years.
Yes, a quarter century ago, my oldest came into this world and completely changed the trajectory of the journey I was on and now that I have two adult sons, more and more, I find myself reflecting on this issue of fatherhood.
So please indulge me post Father’s Day. Shout out to all the dads out there. As I speak of my own relationship with two very different men. First up my biological father,
I have very few memories of spending time together with my mother and father. You see before I completed second grade, they had divorced. Dad had some issues he needed to work through alcohol, anger.
A good looking athletic cat who played football in high school, after graduating, he did a three year stint in the Navy, then later started working regularly for the Los Angeles Sanitation Department.
My father was smart, although not in an academic sense, charming and had a hearty laugh. Originally from Arkansas, Pops was so country oh, man.
I’m talking hillbilly country, he liked to fish and hunt wasn’t particularly stylish, didn’t care what his car looked like, could
stink up a bathroom like nobody’s business and was always sucking on a toothpick. One of the main reasons my parents’ marriage didn’t work was because as I said, Dad had issues, some demons to wrestle.
While my mom was no cakewalk either. Both at one point conceded that something needed to give, for him that ultimately involved finding religion and becoming a member of the Jehovah Witness faith.
Talk about doing a 180. He went from drinking, partying, celebrating holidays and birthdays to not consuming any alcohol period, forbidding secular music and dancing and not acknowledging what he considered pagan events, Christmas, Halloween, Fourth of July, you name it.
This was all way too drastic a change for my mother. Unwilling to convert to this new way of life, Mom was like uh check please.
Dad quickly remarried, adopted two daughters, had an additional daughter and for a brief period, attempted to raise a daughter from a previous relationship.
Always incredible with his hands, after receiving a disability settlement and retiring in his forties. Dad started buying these raggedy rental properties in the hood and doing all the repairs on them, plumbing, electrical, dry wall, flooring, painting, roofing. That was his jam, right? In terms of my older brother and I
we didn’t see him because he was either welding, laying tile or adding a bathroom somewhere, spending time with his new family or serving in a leadership role within the Jehovah Witness community except Sundays, which was the designated day we had with him.
For us, it consisted of putting on dress clothes, attending the Kingdom Hall church, then pioneering meaning going door to door in various neighborhoods spreading Jehovah’s message.
Then we’d change, eat and maybe play at his home or the park, followed by Bible study and then of course, the drive back to my Mothers. As the years went by, my brother stopped seeing my father altogether, but I would still have to go because I was so young.
Eventually, I also disengaged because weekends doing what my father proposed and all the proselytizing to convert me, it just wasn’t working anymore.
So as a result, our relationship became strained. Sure, I had a grandfather who loved me along with supportive uncles who were around, but living with a grown man during many of those formative years, that wasn’t my experience. Cut to my senior year in high school. I’m looking at colleges right now. Most parents would be happy, ecstatic that their kids wanted to continue their education.
Instead, my Dad kept pushing for me to immediately enter the workforce or at the most attend classes to learn a specific trade. His rationale, college was too focused on indoctrination of secular ways and practices that were not of God. I went to college anyway.
When I was considering law school, my father had me reading biblical scriptures that reference the evils of the legal profession. He was adamant that becoming an attorney was a huge mistake and that I should not go through with it. I went to law school anyway.
My father did not attend my wedding, nor the baptisms of my Children because he was not allowed to set foot in a church other than his own. Did we ever reconcile and reconnect before his death over a decade ago?
When my mother decided to remarry and move the family to another city in the middle of my last year in junior high school. I’m forced to now deal with this stepdad I don’t particularly want or like.
How did that turn out? For the answers to those questions stay tuned for part two of this episode airing next week where I continue to talk about these two men plus a whole lot more.
Until then I’m Kevin Ross and this is The Podcast powered by TheGrio. Follow me @IamBossRoss on Instagram and Twitter. Thanks for listening. See you next time.
