2023 was a banner year for WYPIPOing. But who was white enough to make the all-white all-star team? Wypipologist Michael Harriot continues to honor the best, worst, and whitest achievements in caucasity in the second part of the annual Wypipo Awards.
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Michael Harriot: Welcome back to Part 2 of the 2023 Wypipo Awards here on the Grio Daily. Part 2 of these awards are sponsored by, white nonsense. White nonsense has been a proud sponsor of The Grio Awards since Black people.
I’m world famous Wypipologist Michael Harriot, and this is the Grio Daily.
And our next category is the Big White Lie of the Year. The first one is colorblindness, whether it was affirmative action or Black college football coaches who married white women, apparently, Dr. Umar was the only person who saw race in 2023.
The second nominee is trans athletes. Out of the 520, 000 NCAA athletes, researcher Joanna Harper estimates that fewer than 100 trans women compete in college sports. An anti trans organization can only identify five transgender athletes competing in girls K – 12 teams. But for some reason, states are going crazy passing anti trans laws because they’re under attack.
Our next nominee is Black Republicans. If you believe lazy political pundits, you probably heard that Black voters are going to go MAGA and vote Republican, even though it never, never happens, so that’s our third nominee.
Our fourth nominee is slave trade school. According to the Florida curriculum, slavery was just like a community college course that people took to learn skills.
But our winner is “The Merit Myth.” Buried beneath the consternation over affirmative action policies and diversity, equity, and inclusion mandates, is the belief that underqualified, ignorant Black people are taking job opportunities and trophies from deserving caucasians. Wypipo really believe in that myth of meritocracy.
Apparently, the descendants of the mediocre Europeans who left their homelands to take advantage of welfare in the form of race based servitude, head rights, and manifest destiny, apparently they’re overrepresented in boardrooms, college classrooms and every institution in America, because they are smarter, more talented and work harder.
They can’t conceive that the generational benefits of the money stolen from Black taxpayers to build schools, universities and banks that exclusively served wypipo. They don’t count the Jim Crow laws that gave them control of housing, voting and the criminal justice system. They don’t consider school funding disparities or the racial wage gap.
All the power structure that has existed since America’s founding, every political, social, economic, and educational institution in America was specifically designed to benefit wypipo. But any attempt to reform these institutions by making them more diverse and inclusive is considered an affront to whiteness.
Or maybe merit is wypipo for privilege, but congratulations to “The Merit Myth” for winning this year’s White Lie of the Year.
Before we go on, I’d like to take this opportunity to thank the people who were on this year’s selection committee. This year’s selection committee was very diverse and it included Black people, African Americans, people of African descent, people who are not white or not people of color, but Black. People who use washcloths.
Our next category is Best Supporting Wypipo. Now, this one is the only award that is exclusively reserved for people who are not white and who supported whiteness in their actions throughout the year. Our first nominee is Byron Daniels. It seems like the Republican congressman has been around for a long time, but it’s only been a year since the GOP’s great negro hope was molly-whopped by Joy Reid on national television for attacking wokeness.
Our next nominee is perennial favorite, Jason Whitlock. Everybody knows Jason Whitlock, and if you don’t, trust me, you should be glad.
Our next nominee is Ice Cube. After Tucker Carlson was ousted from his Fox News show, Ice Cube decided to lend America’s favorite racial conspiracy theorist a hand by throwing Oprah, the Black press, and dumb Black voters under the bus.
Next nominee, Tim Scott. Another perennial favorite, Tim Scott’s bootstrap business had a banner year in 2023. Unfortunately, his experience at bootlicking did not help him doing his field run for president.
But the winner of the Best Supporting Wypipo Award is Clarence Thomas. Uncle Clarence’s 2023 was spectacular. If it wasn’t for Donald Trump, Clarence might be the greatest finesse artist of his generation. Not only did he achieve his lifelong goal of dismantling affirmative action, he got a wealthy Nazi-affiliated donor to sponsor his entire career. And to buy his mama a house. To be fair, no one can call Clarence Thomas a slave or an Uncle Tom because, you know, slaves don’t get paid. Clarence Thomas did.
Before we go on to our last category, I want to, uh, to celebrate some people who earned awards in a ceremony held earlier. The Whitest Thing that Happened this Year went to the Supreme Court’s affirmative action ruling. The Word Wypipo Killed this Year was Karen. The Best Thing Wypipo did this Year, the wypipo at Dominion successfully sued the wypipo at Fox News. The Worst Thing Wypipo did this year went to “most wypipo” for doing nothing for 402 years in a row. The White Fictional Character of the Year was the good all American way of life that existed before immigrants, trans athletes, and diversity hires joined the “woke mob”. The Black Fictional Character of the Year was Jim Orsay’s Black mother, Dorothy.
And finally, our lifetime achievement award this year, a lifetime achievement award goes to “Not all Wypipo.” I call it the privilege of individuality. Generally, wypipo aren’t used to being part of a collective; even the most liberal ones who work in “Black communities” aren’t accustomed to being judged by the actions of others. So when discussing race, you can always count on at least one white person who must separate themselves from the hurt, harm, and trauma that whiteness has left in its wake. For instance, when someone says they are flying like a bird, they still inherently understand that penguins and ostriches exist. Glove manufacturers don’t have to be reminded that not all hands have five fingers, but for some reason, if you don’t use the word “all” after uttering the phrase, wypipo, you’ll spark an involuntary response from a well-meaning Caucasian, who can’t bear being lumped in with their fellow whites. Today, we honor those heroes. We salute the wypipo who go to Black neighborhoods to work in “underprivileged communities” while disavowing the concept of white privilege. This is for the Beckys, who can’t be racist because they dated a negro or adopted a child with melanin in their skin. Honor the bigotry biologists who proudly state that they don’t have a racist bone in their bodies. If you grew up around Black people or were raised by parents who taught you to “not see color,” this is for you. Congratulations, perhaps the biggest privilege that whiteness affords is the ability to inject oneself into any narrative. So, thank you for developing every conversation about race to let us know that your grandparents didn’t own slaves. Before you told us that you didn’t care if someone was Black, white or purple, we had rudely excluded lavender Americans from this entire conversation about race. I just have one question for all the wypipo. Why haven’t you cured racism? Wait, are you trying to tell me that one white person can’t kill racism? Are you trying to say that systemic change requires collective work and responsibility? But if social, political, economic reform can’t be achieved by individual efforts, then why the hell would anyone care about your self congratulatory virtual signaling that does not solve a single thing?
Perhaps one of the reasons that inequality persists is that white individuals believe they can detest themselves from the solution simply by claiming they are not part of the problem. And that’s why we’re honoring you. And that’s why you have to come back next year to see if you were nominated for a Wypipo Award. That’s why you have to listen to this podcast. That’s our, why you have to download the Grio app. And that’s why. We always leave you with the famous Black saying, and today’s Black saying is “Not all wypipo are wypipo, but all wypipo be wypipo-ing.” We’ll see you next time on theGrio Daily.
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