What if Obama had a clapback translator to respond to Trump’s reckless tweets?

If only Obama could say what we're all thinking when Trump pops off

Feb 23, 2018
Luther Vandross was outed as gay after his death.

Barack Obama never had the luxury of being the angry Black man that some of us wanted him to be. He still really doesn’t today, even though he’s no longer sitting in the Big Seat. The best part of that is that Obama will likely die with the poise and grace that should be afforded a man who reserved his strongest public language for Kanye West.

The bad part is that he almost certainly has some grody shit to say about President Orange Fanta that only Michelle and the girls will ever likely to be made privy to. Even a year-plus after Obama left the White House, Donald Trump still finds ways to pop shit about him on Twitter. Like a brother can’t be out parasailing, drinking Mai Tais with Richard Branson unbothered and living his best life without cats taking shots at him.

Trump on Twitter has all the finesse of a bull running through a China shop with tap shoes. He leans on his rich white privilege to eschew damn near every convention normally associated with Obama’s erstwhile position, casually saying and writing shit that would’ve gotten BO assassinated within two weeks of his presidency.

In the spirt of Key and Peele’s famous Obama Anger Translator, I offer an alternate version: Obama’s Angry Tweet Translator. These are the tweets I would imagine Obama would rattle off on his Samsung Galaxy if he were ever motivated to drop the tongs at the cookout and go full-blown Southside Chicago.

 

Obama vs. Trump on Russian Meddling

 

OBAMA: Now what I look like taking the rap for that wild shit you got going with the Kremlin?!? Just like a stale saltine cracker to blame a Black man for his crimes. I hope they lock you up in a cell jail with a bunch of Mexican immigrants and Haitian shamans.

 

Wire Taps

 

Terrible! Just found out that Obama had my “wires tapped” in Trump Tower just before the victory. Nothing found. This is McCarthyism!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 4, 2017

OBAMA: Fool I had a whole-ass country to run…no one was thinking about your roach hotel. If I woulda bugged anything, it’d have been your hairdresser’s studio, so we could solve the mystery of who else thinks it’s a good idea for you to go out in public daily with a dead woodland creature attached to your dome.

 

Fit to be President

 

Obama has admitted that he spends his mornings watching @ESPN. Then he plays golf, fundraises & grants amnesty to illegals.

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 16, 2014

OBAMA: Have you seen my abs, fam? You seen’t how I look in a suit?? It’s called exercise, you man-sized bag of curdled cottage cheese. Maybe YOU should consider working out something more than those Twitter fingers, Weak Mill.

 

Commander-in-Tweets

 

 

 

OBAMA: Oh, we retweeting anti-Semites now? How about you eclipse deez?

Born in the U.S.A.

 

OBAMA: Find me where I said that shit, Donny-Boy. Please. Unlike somebody I know, I don’t go on record saying wild false shit. Now, all that stuff I said about your moms…? THAT’S true.

 

The Worst President

 

OBAMA: Worst president ever, eh? That’s for history to work out. But that’ll never happen because you’re about to get us all dead. Like, fam, we done already told Bo he’s the first to go when the food dries up after nuclear winter. I’d tell you to killyoself, but you’re literally gonna killyoself along with the rest of us if someone doesn’t DELETE YOUR F$*#&ING TWITTER ACCOUNT RIGHT THE F@#$ NOW!!!!

 

Dustin J. Seibert is a native Detroiter living in Chicago. Miraculously, people have paid him to be aggressively light-skinned via a computer keyboard for nearly two decades. He loves his own mama slightly more than he loves music and exercises every day only so his French fry intake doesn’t catch up to him. Find him at his own site, wafflecolored.com.

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