Out of Africa: Three reasons why First Lady Melania Trump should just pack up her Manolos and cancel her goodwill tour
Didn’t your husband JUST suggest the continent was filled with “sh*thole” countries?
Here are three reasons Bizarro FLOTUS has no business touching her Hurricane Harvey-tested Manolos to any area of Africa.
Out of the gate in this raging dumpster fire of an administration, “First Lady” Melania Trump summoned the audacity to adopt “anti-bullying” as her official platform.
Then, she rocked a long jacket that read “I really don’t care, do u?” while visiting undocumented immigrant children separated from their parents by her hubby’s cruel border policies.
At that point, I for one, thought that was the tipping point for the woman who once explained away 45’s misogynistic p*ssy-grabbing tirade as “boy talk.” Sure, she was clearly complicit in the philosophies of the man she married, but maybe she’d stick with this anti-bullying B.S. and be cool.
What more could she do to highlight her hypocrisy?
Well folks we have our answer and this is not “fake news.” For the latest stop in her “Caucacity of Nope” speaking circuit, 45’s (only slightly) better half just unwisely embarked on a four-country diplomatic journey to the Motherland.
There are so many reasons that Bizarro FLOTUS Melania Trump has absolutely no business touching her Hurricane Harvey-tested Manolos to any area of the four African nations earmarked for this publicity stunt, but for the purposes of not extending this to Iliad-like length, here are three.
1. Be Gone with thatBe Best B.S.
Unless Mrs. Trump is going to these countries to disseminate the totality of Trump’s ill-begotten wealth as reparations for the United States’ (and other colonizers’) pillaging of the continent, there is not a damn thing that she can do on this visit. Surely, she knows that her so-called pearls of wisdom on anti-bullying are about as useful as Yeezy slides during a half-marathon.
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Girl, you can’t even keep your bigoted, misogynistic spouse off of Twitter insulting national treasures including Rep. (and “Auntie”) Maxine Waters, Jemele Hill and Colin Kaepernick. You couldn’t stop him from going full “Animal House”-meets “Clockwork Orange” on the courageous Dr. Christine Blasey Ford on behalf of his sham Supreme Court nominee Judge Brett “I Love Beer and Calendars” Kavanaugh.
Why then do you believe you can fix your mouth to tell these brilliant and resilient children in Africa how to deal with bullies? Your husband is the absolute WORST one that comes to mind, and that brings us to reason #2.
2. She’d Literally Be Up Sh*t’s Creek
Of all the international locations the faux First Lady could have chosen, this here might be trolling level 1,000. Yes, we realize that African countries have been a popular destination for First Ladies to visit on goodwill tours in the past, but I don’t know how she could have expected to be warmly received any where her plane decides to land in Ghana, Malawi, Kenya and Egypt.
These nations, along with Haiti, were allegedly dubbed “sh**hole” status by the human Andy’s Fry anointed to Commander-in-Chief. (Mind you, I say “allegedly” only because that’s what they taught us in journalism school. You and I both know he said that mess and meant it.)
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Making matters worse, the incident is still fresh. It was just in January that he reportedly expressed a preference for immigrants from countries like Norway aka the home of the Whitest people on Earth, so the Diaspora should respond in kind and close their borders to Melania Trump. We’d be happy, however, to let our skinfolk borrow the #BlackGirlMagic of the one true FLOTUS, Michelle Obama; that is, if she’s got some time amid her Beyonce-level book tour.
3. She Loves Kids, Eh? How About the Ones Her Husband is Caging?
While Madame Trump traipses around in what her spokeswoman is generously describing as a “diplomatic and humanitarian visit” to espouse toothless anti-bullying platitudes, she will likely aim to be photographed with the beautiful brown babies and children she’ll encounter along the way. If you’re waiting for the first pic, well here you go:
First off, these White savior-esque, exorcizing optics are so trite, demoralizing and played that even National Geographic knows better than to go there anymore.
Any image of faux FLOTUS beaming next to a child along this tour will be practically double dog daring the global press to draw direct comparisons to the also adorable, heartstring-tugging babies who’ve been separated from their parents at various U.S. centers and tent cities. There is no scenario by which this visual dichotomy will not happen and just for good measure, I’mma lay this right here.
So, without breaking a sweat, there is a trilogy of justifications for the Cheeto-in-Chief’s wife to turn that plane all the way back around. She doesn’t even have to go home. Instead, she could change the flight plan and visit immigration detention centers in the U.S. and offer help to those children who actually need and want it, i.e. and maybe the remaining 1,000 parents seeking to reunite with their missing kids.
Somebody in MAGA-land just please remind her to leave the “I don’t really care” coat (and attitude) on her armrest before heading in.
Kyra Kyles is a nationally known multiplatform media executive, author, and speaker on media diversity. In addition to her 20-plus years as a journalist, including a tenure as Editor-in-Chief of EBONY and a multimedia correspondent/columnist for the Tribune Company, Kyra is the Chicago-based co-founder of content development collective, Myth Lab Entertainment and a contributor to outlets including TheGrio and Bustle. Follow and interact with her via @thekylesfiles on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. That is, unless you’re some kind of troll or card-carrying member of #LawrenceHive.
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