There are a great many famous people I’d love to see engaged in on a debate about current affairs. At the head of that list right now is probably T.I. whipping Kanye West instead of soft-balling his trifling ass in interviews like everyone else does. Somewhere near the dead-ass bottom of that list…? Roland “Ascot Thunder” Martin going head-up with FOX Sports journalist/douche canoe Jason “Shitlock” Whitlock.
Alas, the two men tangled on Roland Martin Unfiltered, a streaming media-only show that I didn’t know existed before yesterday and whose audio sounds like it was recorded with one of those USB computer microphones behind the cashier’s counter at Walgreens.
Though I’m generally cool with Martin’s political stances, dude seems to overtly court provocation by interviewing people who should fall off the face of the f—ing Earth before they’re given any kind of platform so the world can hear “their side of the story.”
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First, there was Alt-Right (read: Nazi) leader Richard Spencer on Martin’s now-canceled NewsOne Now. Then there was his interview with “Dr.” Umar Johnson, the first man ever to earn his doctorate from the back of an Applebee’s matchbook, on the same show. The Whitlock interview completes Martin’s hat trick of f—wit interviewees.
Whitlock calls himself a sports journalist, though he dovetails into politics quite a bit. He’s pretty trash at both and somehow manages not to be interesting in his offensiveness. It would take me all afternoon to list all the dumb shit he’s said in his career, but here are just a few recent transgressions:
Roll the Tape
Claimed Kaepernick is a pawn: Whitlock crawled on Van Lathan’s “The Red Pill” podcast to claim that Colin Kaepernick is unknowingly being used as a tool in some shadowy misandrist organization looking to take down the NFL. He manages insult to Kaep’s role as the progenitor of the anthem protest movement and suggests that there’s an Illuminati of leftists strong enough to bring a multi-billion-dollar organization to its knees. Shit, I can claim a pink elephant with purple polka dots just walked down my street if I have no proof to prove it.
Suggested NFL players protest to build their social media brands: This past August, Whitlock slithered on to Fox News’ Tucker Carlson Tonight to further embarrass his ancestors by claiming that the anthem protest is about pushing players’ social media brands. Of course, that makes all the sense in the world considering the reason players even have social media brands is because they’re NFL players for a living, and participating in the anthem protest directly jeopardizes their actual jobs. Cart before the horse much, Whitlock?
Coming at LeBron: Whitlock’s most recent claim to wanton idiocy is his ongoing one-sided beef with LeBron James…especially the suggestion that James’ wealth should shield him from making a big deal over the fact that someone scrawled racist graffiti on his home or prevent him from acknowledging that being Black can be a crutch on anyone in America regardless of how much money they have. Whitlock must’ve went in the kitchen for snacks when Chris Rock delivered his legendary one-legged busboy joke.
Wow Jason Whitlock… smh pic.twitter.com/cp5LJjYl8Z
— Flyah (@AyoDats) June 1, 2017
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For a Black sports journalist, Whitlock spends an inordinate amount of time criticizing black athletes, which really comes off as thinly-veiled envy considering many of his targets are multi-millionaires in peak physical condition and Whitlock is built like a leaf bag full of chocolate milk. Whitlock is that dude who spent an entire childhood getting curved by the Black girls in his school and just grew up to hate all n—-s wholesale. Punch one of his eyes out and slap a white Stevie Wonder-esque ponytail on the back of his head, and the Uncle Ruckus-ing of Jason Whitlock would be complete.
Needless to say, Martin had enough reason for both of them in their interview. But then no Black people outside of sentient Golliwog dolls Kanye West and Stacey Dash believe the horseshit Whitlock espouses. I suppose you could watch the whole insight to see what insight you might gain from it. But why bother?
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Dustin J. Seibert is a native Detroiter living in Chicago. Miraculously, people have paid him to be aggressively light-skinned via a computer keyboard for nearly two decades. He loves his own mama slightly more than he loves music and exercises every day only so his French fry intake doesn’t catch up to him. Find him at his own site, wafflecolored.com.