Getting rid of clutter is never easy. It’s even more daunting when the “stuff” belongs to someone else. Still grieving the loss of his mother, Kevin “Boss” Ross is now charged with going through her material things and making decisions about items that don’t even belong to him. This is his irreverent take on the process and what he’s learning along the way.
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Hi, I’m Kevin Ross. And this is The Podcast.
All This Clutter’s Gotta Go! What Are You Holding On To?
Of the many tasks I find myself undertaking of late, this one is particularly challenging. The assignment? OK. You ready? Disposing of all that I would consider to be clutter. It would be bad enough if it were my own. But no. It’s my mother’s who recently passed.
There’s so much sorting to do good grief. What to keep, what to discard, what to give away? I, I swear, trying to navigate through and around a loved one stuff once they’re gone is, is, it’s like changing your kid’s poopy runny diaper after they had a good old time eating something they probably shouldn’t have consumed. Meanwhile, you’re tired and hungry but have to tend to their needs first.
Well, maybe that wasn’t the greatest analogy, just, just go with it right now I, I feel like I’m tiptoeing through my mother’s life. Sifting through these mountains of memories, sentimental, but mostly forgotten relics, wondering how a woman so neat and meticulous could have that much stuff hidden in closets, storage bins drawers and we won’t even talk about the garage.
Ugh! Between me and you, I’m starting to take on the mindset of a detective, therapist and CVS store manager all rolled into one. I’m telling you, talk about a delicate two-step that, that’s me in real time.
Well, I wanna do everything I can to honor my mother, I can’t shake this overwhelming urge to haul everything to a dumpster and just toss it. Boom, done.
But then I come across all the pictures and photo albums. They’re literally a time machine launching me back to the future of trips I remember her talking about. Relatives and friends I have no idea who they are but have long since been gone. Bowling tournaments, graduations, weddings, births, divorces, remarriages. Plaques awarded for years of community service. Jane Fonda exercise videos. Forgotten dreams. Old Danielle Steele romance novels.
And that cabinet filled with collectible sculptures of black queens, black working women, black grandmas, black female angels, black couples, mom I get it. But seriously, did you really need four packed crates of scarves? Or blouses Too many to count, still with the price tags on them?
See where I made my mistake was not having a system, I should have started with the least sentimental things. I’ve read they’re the easiest to get rid of and help create momentum.
Rookie mistake, My bad. At least I had immediate family take the things they wanted. Hey, you, you never know what seemingly insignificant clothing, jewelry or trinket has deep, and a deeper meaning for someone. And I’ve seen firsthand families become mortal enemies over a recliner or Aunt Henrietta’s tarnished sterling tea set that no one even uses.
At least a caregiver that tended to my mom at the assisted living facility was able to use the bedroom dresser and nightstands that were left behind. My mom would have been very pleased about that. I mean, none of this stuff our possessions are going with us.
In the end sorting through my mother’s clutter still is bittersweet. I’m learning a few things about her as I moved farther from the day she left us.
And more importantly, life’s transience, the significance of non-stuff, of shared moments of emotions we intentionally sometimes unintentionally experience. See now we’re at the deep end of the pool. That my friends is real.
So when faced with the task of decluttering after a loved one’s passing, remember to laugh, it’s only as daunting as you make it. Shed some tears if you must, cherish that which truly matters and push forward.
In the end, it’s not the clutter that defines a person but the complex, beautiful patchwork of their life and legacy. That’s my take. Ok. You and I have got work to do. Let’s go.
Hi, I’m Kevin Ross and this is The Podcast powered by TheGrio. Follow me @IamBossRoss on Instagram and Twitter. Thanks for listening. See you next time.
