It’s not a tribute, just the musings of a son who lost his momma!
Episode 30Play
Sharing what he experienced immediately before and after finding out his mother had passed away, Kevin “Boss” Ross takes his listeners on a journey in this very personal episode that may leave you thinking about your loved ones and those that provide or have provided care for them.
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You are now listening to TheGrios black podcast network, black culture amplified.
Hi, I’m Kevin Ross. And this is The Podcast. It’s Not A Tribute, Just The Musings Of A Son Who Lost His Momma!
When the second call came Sunday morning, I was already up. Six hours earlier, an unfamiliar number rang on my cell phone. At this point, I knew to answer regardless. The message? Her vitals were starting to fluctuate. During the five hours I had been there, her vitals were stable. I exhaled. “Ok. I understand. Thank you.”
I hung up, finished working out and then stop to get a milkshake. Completely undermining all that bike riding and weight lifting at the gym. I had just completed. Came home, laid down and bam! out like a light.
At a quarter to midnight, suddenly I jumped straight out of the bed right? Next thing you know, I’m on the computer reading over my mother’s obituary. Which is why once the second call came at 1:30 a.m.
I was alert yet, numb. After speaking to a few family members, I drove to the assisted living facility I put her in. I watched them gently cover my mother before placing her in a body bag and carting her away on a gurney.
It was surreal. By the time I locked the door to her room, it was 3:30. Minutes later despite not being hungry, I find myself at a 24 hour IHOP wolfing down the big steak omelet, hash browns, three hot cakes, hot sauce and coffee.
All while eavesdropping on a conversation involving a guy trying his absolute best to convince his date to come home with him after their meal. As I contemplated whether the woman should actually accept the man’s amorous proposition my thoughts unsurprisingly kept going back to mom.
She had been declining prior to becoming a resident at the facility I had just left. The pace of her deteriorating health, however, sped up. Perhaps because she actually wanted to remain in her own home of 45 years until the very end.
Unfortunately, eight months of driving 120 miles to spend overnights with her daily while caregivers came in from 7 a.m. to 11 p.m. proved simply too difficult to sustain. At least being somewhere with activities, round the clock care and a huge room with a view would somehow fulfill her needs while giving me some breathing room.
Sure enough, within weeks, maybe even days, everyone at the facility knew my mother. Now, much of the reason was that she made it a point to brag about her son, the judge me who was on that television show “America’s Court”.
Next thing you know, I’m, I’m being greeted by most of the staff by name despite not having even been previously introduced. Of course, my mother wasn’t some dummy. She, she knew exactly what she was doing to ensure folks were on their P’s and Q’s when it came to her. If the food wasn’t up to snuff or a new caregiver had a less than desirable bedside manner, mom was quick to communicate her displeasure.
But my mother was also complimentary to those who showed her kindness and compassion, whether it was the day supervisor, making sure she had whatever she needed. The nurse who tended to her wounds or the caregiver who she referred to as “Miss fine” because of the way she was sacshay in and out the room after giving mom pain meds and then talking with her about life stuff. I saw firsthand how invaluable these men and women are to people like my mother in their time of need.
This was not something I had previously experienced, sure I knew about convalescent homes and senior living residences and those who dedicate their lives servicing the elderly and infirm. But this was different because I was seeing it up close and personal.
The very first caregiver my mother had while at home was a Godsend. This woman always showed up on time with a pleasant disposition and a ready to work mindset. She cooked, she dressed my mom monitored her glucose and blood pressure levels, took her to get her hair done, taught her the card game Uno and, and gave her someone to talk to.
When I say that watching, a loved one slowly die is one of the most difficult things in life. Anyone listening to the sound of my voice can only truly appreciate these words after they themselves have experienced it.
And yet there are literally strangers that you end up crossing paths with who lighten that burden merely just by doing their job. Even if that job includes turning on the TV when the woman who gave you life can’t remember how to work the remote.
What’s the point, the takeaway of this podcast, Boss Ross? Is there something you’re trying to convey? Answer, I’m sad that my mother is no longer here on earth. I’m annoyed that life is so damn bittersweet. I’m thankful that my mother was cared for and comforted in her last days.
I’m grateful to have family, friends and fans who’ve supported me during good times and tough times. I’m blessed to have been loved and that I had the ability to spread love. I may have more to say in the future about the lady that was my mother, I may not.
For now. Just know if you’ve recently experienced loss, particularly a close family member, I understand what you may be going through. Please accept my sincere condolences, sending prayers and light your way during this difficult time. Here’s to strength, here’s to resiliency, here’s to faith. And so it is. God bless you.
PS, I’ll always love my mama. She’s my favorite girl. Rest in peace.
I’m Kevin Ross. And this is The Podcast powered by TheGrio. Follow me @IamBossRoss on Instagram and Twitter. Thanks for listening. See you next time.
